


Fic Commentary: Maximum Loss

by freakingdork



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Author Commentary, Multi, all the previous tags and warnings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-18
Updated: 2012-10-18
Packaged: 2017-11-16 13:55:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/540174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freakingdork/pseuds/freakingdork
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Have you ever wanted to know what an author was thinking when they wrote a certain fic? Well, people seemed to be interested in what I was thinking for this fic, so here's what you asked for! If you haven't read this fic before, PLEASE read the original <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/319441">here</a> first.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fic Commentary: Maximum Loss

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Maximum Loss](https://archiveofourown.org/works/319441) by [freakingdork](https://archiveofourown.org/users/freakingdork/pseuds/freakingdork). 



**I'd like to start by saying...I fucking hate the title of this fic. The only reason I published it under a title I don't care for was because this was one of the easiest, quickest fics I've ever written (90% done in 30-45 minutes then I had to go to work and come back to it) and once it was written down, I felt an urgent need to put it up right away and settled on a crappy title instead of waiting. Please forgive me. :-P**

**If you don't follow my tumblr, the motivation to write this came from someone asking, yet again, for a fic where Reid says he's the agent instead of Prentiss during Minimal Loss. Not only is “trauma-swapping” one of my biggest pet peeves, but in this case...a lot of people seem to think that everything would have turned out just hunky dory and I cannot see that in the slightest, so I used this fic to highlight the differences between Cyrus' baseline views of Prentiss and Reid and how that would play out with the role reversal.**

The first thing that goes wrong is that Cyrus expects the bugs.

They sweep each box after Rossi leaves and smash them all, one by one.

**The first thing I did was sit down and start watching the episode and I had it playing the entire time I was writing it so that my fic could follow it as closely as possible.**

**I was interested in the fact that, despite being paranoid as fuck and supposedly “ready” for the government to attack them, no one thought to check for bugs, sooooooooo.**

***

“ _Me. It's me_ ,” Spencer says quickly, hoping Emily won't try to protect him.

**And because I was watching it as I went, I kept as much of the original dialogue as possible. Even something as simple as “Me, it's me.” felt important to keep because the more I kept the same, the more the differences stood out.**

Cyrus stares at him with eyes that remind him of Raphael and Spencer shivers in fear.

**Who can resist a reference to 2x15 when there's a highly religious man and a gun involved?**

There's a loud pop and a woman's scream and then he hears nothing at all.

**Cyrus' views on women meant that he didn't feel threatened by Prentiss as an agent in canon (and any feelings he may have had otherwise were easily dealt with by beating the shit out of her), whereas Reid being a man, even a beta-male, made him a threat that needed to be neutralized (think of Broken Mirror where the unsub knocks out Morgan and underestimates Elle).**

***

 _'I've seen gorier crime scenes,'_ Emily repeats over and over in her mind.

It's one thing to go into shock – _that's normal, that's completely normal, especially because she's not FBI, she's not an agent, that woman's not here right now, this one is a social worker who doesn't deal with guns and guts every day_ – and another to cradle his dead body and sob. The last thing she needs is to draw attention to the fact that one of her lovers' brains is splattered against the painted cinder block walls. Distantly, she knows there's something wet on her face and it's blood or brains and she can't think about that for too long or the grief will suffocate her.

**Oh hey compartmentalization.**

**I'm not exactly sure anymore how this became an OT3 fic, though I'd recently gotten my angst bingo card with a “threesomes” square and the line about her lover's brains spattered against the walls popped into my head, so I guess I kinda went from there.**

Cyrus has been staring at her and she wonders what Cyrus will do with her now that Spencer's gone.

And what Derek will do if he loses them both.

***

She's thankful it's just a beating.

She's thankful she's too old to be his type.

She's thankful there's no bugs to hear the extra beating she gets for this.

**Despite not being the agent, I thought Cyrus would want to be completely sure that Prentiss “knows her place,” so he'd make sure that if she had any fight left in her, a beating (and the attempted sexual assault) would make her fearful and physically weakened.**

***

“ _Your friend should have told Cyrus who he was from the beginning. He's a prophet, he predicted Satan's armies would come and lay siege to us.”_

“ _There's a name for that kind of prophecy – self fulfilling.”_

“ _You don't know how dangerous it is to lie to him.”_

“ _I know it would take a brave woman to defy him, knowing the consequences and that that woman would have to have a damn good reason to do it.”_

Kathy leaves abruptly and Emily can only hope that the seed has been planted because there's not much else to hope for.

**Anything in quotes and italicized (such as “ _Your friend should have..._ ”) is actual dialogue that I transcribed from the episode. I'd hoped that would come across, but I don't think it worked as well as I wanted it to because I've always done thoughts similarly (such as ' _I've seen gorier crime scenes..._ '), so even though there was a difference in the types of quotes I used, I feel like people didn't notice that as much, oops.**

***

Cyrus comes to Emily a few minutes later.

“Did you know he was FBI?”

She tenses, sensing the possibility of yet another beating, but her training allows her to spin a lie about Nancy telling her that Reid was an expert, that she'd never met him before, that she's angry Nancy lied to her.

Despite the skepticism lurking in his eyes, this seems to satisfy him. She starts to suggest some ideas for how to test the FBI, but Cyrus just sneers and leaves her without any new bruises.

**This scene was, of course, supposed to mirror the scene where Cyrus questions Reid about whether or not he knew Prentiss was FBI. This was important to me because 1) men like Cyrus don't value women's opinions (she tries to tell him how to test the FBI and he sneers) and 2) Reid had a unique ability to connect with Cyrus, one that he's used before with religious unsubs - his ability to accurately quote the entire bible (and apply it well, which I assume is his mother's influence re: an English professor's tendency to pick apart every little detail). In canon, the latter is very important in Reid gaining Cyrus' trust.**

Emily feels like a modern day Peter, but she knows that if she'd taken another beating, she'd be no good to her team or the people she's try to save.

**For anyone who doesn't know many bible stories, modern-day Peter is a reference to the disciple Peter denying that he knew Jesus (3 times) in order to keep from being beaten/killed (because Jesus is either hanging on the cross at that point or dead) and the guilt that comes from that. I mean, could I get a more perfect parallel?**

***

_'Do they even know he's dead? Am I the only one who's mourning him right now?'_

The idea rolls around in her head like a bowling ball while she waits. It's almost too much of a burden to bear.

But perhaps it's better if it's just her – the rest of the team is still making all the hard decisions at this point and she can take it. Really, she can take it.

_'Don't they say pride comes before the fall?'_

**I'm pretty sure that ' _Don't they say pride comes before the fall?_ ' is a reference to the fact that, when Cyrus is beating Prentiss in canon, he specifically says “Pride comes before the fall.”**

**This is one of those things that I get SUPER excited about, but no one else really gets, lol.**

***

For some reason she's yet to untangle, they bring her back downstairs.

Emily hears whispers of the child they let go and she realizes the names he's reading are the people who failed the test of faith.

This is the only sign that something must be going right on the outside that she gets before she's ushered back upstairs.

**Well, ok, I never understood why (in canon) they brought Prentiss back downstairs and they don't really give a good explanation? Maybe to taunt her or show her that they're releasing people as a show of good faith? But for the story, I felt that I needed to give her some hope that Reid might be the only substantial loss, so that she(/the reader) could had farther to fall.**

**Don't you hate me right now? I am a terrible person.**

And she wonders, not for the first time, if they think she's an agent too.

***

“ _If you can hear me, I know you're coming,”_ she says to seemingly no one, hoping beyond hope that they have the parabolic microphones trained on the windows and that the food drop will make them listen extra carefully. _“I can try to get the women and children down...”_

**Oh hey look, more actual dialogue/things that happen in canon.**

Emily pauses, hearing a scuffle below her.

 _'Rossi, that's Rossi, he was dropping off food,'_ her brain supplies. He's too calm and smooth, so something isn't right, the plan must be going to shit and she's still trussed up and in pain and...

...gunshots, two, very close together.

There's a only small commotion, so Emily knows exactly who got shot and who is lying on the church floor, dead or dying.

“He's dead, they're both dead,” she tells the windows.

**Ummm...it's been awhile...but I think I killed Rossi when he was dropping off food because I couldn't think of a good “after-death” for him? Despite that, I still think it makes sense. They destroyed the bugs earlier in the fic; they'd be more likely to notice the secret message written on the food. Also, when they decide to send food in right here, they don't know if Reid OR Prentiss is alive (unlike in canon where there's bugs that give them a better picture of what's happening), so that's kinda risky in and of itself.**

**And then, of course, there's that whole...falling thing I really like where I just beat on the characters I love dearly because I know it hurts other people who love those characters too.**

***

They must have heard her, at least the first part, because there's a red dot telling her they're coming at 3 am.

First, she hopes the red dot is Hotch or JJ or a local or anyone other than Derek. But she knows it's probably Derek, so instead she hopes he didn't hear the last part.

**Hahahaha Prentiss, like it'd be JJ, that girl is preggers to the max. That's something I realized was unrealistic after the fact, but was too lazy to change.**

And just in case he did, she hopes he won't be reckless because he'll remember she's still alive, that she still needs him alive.

***

“ _I wanted to save her from Cyrus.”_

“ _I can give you another chance. The FBI is coming here at 3 am. I need you to gather Jessica, the kids, the other women, get them into the basement just before 3 am.”_

“ _Why are you telling me this?”_

“ _Because I have faith that you're a strong enough woman to do the right thing for Jessica.”_

Kathy runs off again and all Emily can do is wait.

**DIALOGUE FROM CANON.**

**I'm kind of obsessed with making things canon compliant in general, but also including very specific canon details and making direct references to canon when I write AUs (my current WIP AU even has JJ introducing herself with, “Hi, my name's Jennifer Jareau, we spoke on the phone” ok like wow Laura shut up). I mean, in case you couldn't tell...definitely obsessed.**

***

When Kathy rushes to bring her downstairs at 2:45 am, she thinks, _'Finally, something is going right.'_

She should have known better.

They make her watch as they gun down the women and children before the gun plastered to her head releases her.

**I wish I'd been more clear with this part because when I reread it, I can see how some people might read it as Kathy ratting Prentiss out...when what I really meant was that there were men in the tunnel with guns to take care of anyone trying to get in/escape.**

**Apparently, I surprised people, not only for killing off Reid so soon (hahahahaha), but also that I killed off Prentiss at all, oops.**

***

The utter destruction in the tunnels would have been bad enough without finding Emily's body among the dead.

**Well. Morgan DOES enter through the tunnels in canon. Also, me = terrible person.**

Derek presses onward. He will see this thing through. He can break later.

***

Derek sees Cyrus press the detonation button before the bullet strikes him.

**This is another part where I wish I'd been more clear. I meant that Cyrus pushed the detonation before Morgan shot Cyrus, which I think most people got, but just in case someone didn't...that's what I meant.**

He does try to get out, he really does.

When he wakes up in the hospital, paralyzed from the waist down, he's not terribly surprised.

***

They all died on that ranch, he thinks.

**So. Everyone's “after-death.” This is where I have the most to say, so hang tight.**

Garcia spent some time in a psych ward. Then Hotch ate his own gun less than a year later and Garcia checked back in for a bit to deal with that. Even though she'd transferred to a different government position, she'd lost her the light in her eyes. Kevin still loves her, takes great care of her, and for her to have that one constant in her life, Derek is eternally grateful.

**I really do think that losing THREE teammates would really break her farther than what we see in season 6, especially two of which she's very close to (I consider Morgan, Prentiss, and Reid as being the closest to Garcia, even if the writers seem to have forgotten about Garcia and Reid's broship). I also think that she might have pulled through better if Hotch hadn't killed himself. Also, I'm really glad I got to include Kevin because I'm one of those “strange” people who actually likes Kevin and doesn't think that Morgan hates him. *kanye-shrug***

**re: Hotch committing suicide -** **He's already divorced from Haley at this point and he doesn't see Jack very often, so he feels like he failed as a husband/father...and then to lose nearly half of the agents under him, including his BFF Rossi, well, I know I'd feel like a failure at work too if that happened to me and his job is his everything at this point in his life. Feel free to disagree with me on that - I'm the farthest thing from a Hotch expert.**

JJ had an abortion, which wasn't her “death,” just the catalyst. She said she'd been so unsure about having a child in the first place and that there was no way she could bring one into the world after Colorado; Will didn't agree with her decision. It was Derek who took her to the clinic and held her hand. He brought her to his home afterwards to recuperate. She was angry when Will left her, but she didn't regret her decision in the least. He worries about her constantly – now that she no longer has the BAU as her family and no personal life to speak of, there's nothing tying her down and he wonders what's kept her from following Hotch's lead.

**This was a tough one for me to write, perhaps the toughest part of the fic to get right (and definitely the one I have the most thoughts on lol), because I'm pro-choice and I did NOT want anyone to interpret her “death” as “post-abortion syndrome”/“she killed her 'unborn child' and is now dead inside”/“abortion scars women 5ever”...or some other bullshit. Because I think it's completely logical for her to have an abortion, given what happened, and I don't see her regretting it in the least. Her death was the loss of a _support system_ (which I wish I'd written instead of family oops).**

**She physically loses Reid, Prentiss, Rossi, and Hotch (and btw Hotch and Prentiss are the people I think she's closest to/open with) and they all kind of “emotionally” lose Garcia and seeing Morgan in a wheelchair is possibly a reminder that is just far too painful for her to deal with on a regular basis AND THEN she also loses Will too (because, while I like Will a lot, I don't think he'd be very accepting of an abortion) and I do feel like the pregnancy/Henry is what held them together in the beginning because of her general inability to open up - if you don't believe me, rewatch In Heat - and yes, she is the least likely to open up about things; no matter how much she trusts her team, Hotch is the ONLY one she tells about her sister's suicide (and despite the way that most fanfic writes her, JJ is not some warm, supportive motherly figure, especially before Henry was born).**

**Also, totally threw in the bit where Morgan wonders what's keeping her from following in Hotch's footsteps as a reference to her sister's suicide (and the fact that Morgan doesn't actually know about that).**

For himself, so much of his life was gone that Derek didn't even feel like he was a real person for a very long time. It wasn't just the physical aspect because he could still lift weights and some parts of home renovation were still possible, but clubbing and running were out. He felt people look at him and his wheelchair with pity he didn't want or deserve. The worst part was the time. He'd taken the early retirement package Strauss had generously offered him, so without work or a majority of his old hobbies and activities, all he had was time to think about his dead lovers.

**Okay, this was actually difficult too because I really, really, really didn't want to do the whole “oh pity the man in a wheelchair! his life is the worst!” trope because that's not true (especially because of the people who say ignorant shit like that). Here's the thing though...Morgan is an extremely tactile person. All the hobbies/things he's good at (that we've been shown in canon) are physical things - kicking down doors, tackling unsubs, teaching self-defense/hand-to-hand (or whatever those classes were for JJ in season 7), running/working out, tearing down houses so he can build them up, dancing, possibly baseball (oops kinda spoiler for upcoming season 8 episode), etc. Not being able to do things he previously found joy in could be soul-destroying. It's why he takes the “generous retirement package” from Strauss (and yes, she would offer one - she certainly did to Hotch and that's not because she wanted him “out of the way” thanks); I don't think he could do a desk job, especially for the FBI, and not wishing he could go out in the field again.**

He couldn't watch Star Wars or most sci-fi really. He couldn't read Kurt Vonnegut. He had to get rid of the bedsheets. He thought about boxing up Spencer's bookshelves, but couldn't think of anything to put in their place and the idea of them being empty was worse than them being full. He donated most of Emily's clothes to a women's shelter and most of Spencer's to a half-way house. The items he kept – a turtleneck, a red blouse, that damn purple scarf, his favorite sweatervest – were stored under the bed and only taken out on anniversaries.

**On top of that, he's lost his two lovers, so the few things he does seem to be interested in outside of physical stuff (reading Vonnegut, as well as my own headcanon that he loves sci-fi and comics, etc) are tainted by the fact that they were things he shared with Prentiss and Reid.**

Eventually, he took over Garcia's victim's support group. He got Clooney certified as a therapy dog, so now they visit the children's hospital twice a week. It's not much, but it keeps him from spending every minute mourning.

**I almost killed Clooney too, but that was TOO MUCH (yes, I can kill off four teammates, but the dog is TOO MUCH) because I was actually crying by this point ok and also, I wanted to give Morgan something good/healthy to do with his time because, again, it was starting to feel like “that poor disabled person has nothing they can do!” or whatever and ugh gross no.**

Derek tries to remember that Cyrus is the only one at fault for what happened. Still, he spends far too much time wondering how everything went so wrong.

**Hahahahaha, that's my last and final jab at people who play “trauma-swap,” especially those who act like it wouldn't change the story at all. Perhaps that means I'm taking a jab at myself, which I will happily admit to, but at least I destroyed everything I love to do so? IDK IDK IDK**

**And that concludes your little trip through my somewhat scary, rambling, obsessive mind. Hopefully it wasn't too boring or scary. I love everyone who has ever commented on this fic, as well as anyone who managed to make it all the way through this. If there's more (finished) fic you want commentary on, let me know; it'll probably help reduce the urge to write long ass author's notes.**


End file.
